My hand turned me down
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
