I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
