Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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