And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
