i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
