if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize