Whod you bang
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
