No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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