she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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