yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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