she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
