I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
