Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
