Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
