Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
