Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
