Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
