i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hippo gnu deer
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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