i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
