That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
