her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
