She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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