then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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