U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
