he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
