Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
