Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize