Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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