She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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