Your face is a jimmy john
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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