walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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