sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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