Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
