Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
