He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
