So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
