I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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