I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
