i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
