I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
