Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
