gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
