I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
My bed smells like the plague
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
