You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
