I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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