I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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