I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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