In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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