Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
