Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
