So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
