Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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