david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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