oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
