I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Randomize