i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
