Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
