I will die if light touches me.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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