Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
