clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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