I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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