Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
