Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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