i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
