Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
