I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I faked an abortion last night.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
