the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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