So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
